Difference between revisions of "Logs:Family, Lost and Found"

Aishani didn't much like to dive - she didn't like to mess around with her hair more than she had to, given the time it took to get it all right to begin with - but she liked to sit on the diving cliff. She liked the view, almost the opposite of their ledge. With the weather shifting, she knew the cold would come soon, and she'd be less likely to want to sit outside and with Iesaryth. It wasn't as if her duties would require it. Best to take the time now, to watch the light die out over this Weyr where she'd made herself a home, despite the pain it had brought her, how uneasy she still sometimes felt in it and amongst its people.

She wished she had someplace she still felt comfortable, somewhere other than the spots in her weyr that felt like home. It had been a long time since she'd the comfort of familiarity that didn't come from someone else (or her dragon) - though she supposed that was what might truly make a place hers, the people. Without her family, what would the caravan be? And she had people here, but still - the ties that bound her were poisoned to start. How could it ever feel part of her in a way that didn't hurt?

Though Shani was certain that she'd tipped her cousin's life over, spilling the contents into a jumbled mess, she still envied the younger girl. No matter what Serah decided, she had people - people that seemed to take care of one another, that had each others' back, that chose to do so. It was unlikely that they'd turn her away, if Dev and the others should decide her untrustworthy. Then again, she hadn't gone and Impressed, become the enemy. Perhaps that was what Shani was really jealous of: Serah might be able to go home.

And maybe that's why, even after Iesaryth's concern for both the Weyr and Ysavaeth began to ease, after she could go away, even after finding she was put off her duties for a time, she was still avoiding her cousin.

She wasn't frightened of the knives, not really. That didn't mean she wouldn't be careful, but... it was that gnawing sense of unhappiness, her anxiety about revealing that she was now someone they'd been taught to hate, and the fact that N'rov was probably right. If Shani didn't lose Serah for what she was now, she might well later. Her family would make sure of it.

The wind picked up to ruffle her hair - she was finally chancing to grow it back past her shoulders, now that her weyrlinghood status seemed to be fading at best. The tenor came curious, unoffended, « Why do they take issue with me again? » Iesaryth, as usual, was more interested than bothered.

It's not you. It's not the dragons. It's what happened here, to my father. What they did to the others. It's what they think... the place does to people. The power. They think... Or I think they think - I'm not able to escape that.

« Then it must be the dragons. If they would not have minded before me, they must believe something about the dragons corrupt. Even if they haven't said as much, even to themselves. »

Iesaryth's logic, as always, was difficult to escape. As she felt a light of hope that she'd barely been aware of die out, she also felt her lifemate's apology. There was nothing she could do but accept, but lean against the gold's still-growing bulk, and watch dusk fall over High Reaches.