Difference between revisions of "Logs:Life Isn't Fair"

Records Room, High Reaches Weyr

Books. Scrolls. Bound hides. Maps. If it's a record pertaining to the Weyr, it's likely to be in this roughly oval room with its floor-to-ceiling cherrywood shelves, its multitude of slots for scrolls, and its wide drawers for materials that shouldn't be rolled up or folded. A scribe is usually on duty at the tall desk up front with its good view of the room, and is able to help visitors find what they're looking for via the big bound index on its rotating stand. Past the desk, several tables stand in neat rows for note-taking, each stocked with glowbaskets, scrap hide, paper and pencils. Additional lighting is provided by a many-armed wrought-iron light fixture, its glows gleaming through luxurious glass containers in fluted shapes instead of baskets.

To one side of the room, a gap between two sets of shelves outlines where another set once stood, now replaced by a tapestry-covered aperture. Peeking behind the tapestry reveals another cavern, this one likewise full of shelves, but occupied by only a few boxes of older records and a somewhat musty air of disuse. As well, two narrow but solid doors are locked when the room is unattended and a discreet staircase provides direct access from the Weyrleaders' weyrs.

Late in the records room and there's not many people left there - pretty much everyone is off duty, so the desks and chairs usually occupied by scribes and harpers are empty. In fact, the only person left at the tables is Brieli. She sits at a table relatively close to both entrance and council room passage so as to watch both with dark, sharp, faintly paranoid eyes. Even so, she's at least productive, it seems - though nothing she's doing is interesting enough to be face-down or hidden.

It's late enough that maybe Taikrin was hoping the records room might be empty-- she's certainly furtive enough in how she edges in past the welcome desk. She's got thin gloves on, which are notably only because she's also clutching a folder of papers to her chest. As she notices Brieli, the brownrider momentarily freezes. It takes a second to go from furtive to startled to what-me-worry smile, but she does manage it. "Evening, Brieli."

Glancing up only a moment after the brownrider freezes - perhaps her edging was fairly well-done - Brieli blinks at Taikrin, taking in the folder, the gloves, the not-moving. But there's only a brief, brilliant smile in return for the other woman's as she straightens from her work. "Taikrin. Evening. I'd been hoping to run into you sooner than later. I suppose I should congratulate you?" The question in her tone might just be due to the clutching of the folder, so on.

"Yeah, such a thing ain't it?" Taikrin wears the cocky sort of smile that one might expect of someone who's suddenly found herself a wingleader. "Still trying to wrap my head around it, got to admit." She brandishes the folders like a shield. "Been turns since I had to worry about making wing plans, and then it ain't like it was actually a real thing-- you know what I mean?" The brownrider leans a hip into a nearby stack, all casual interest. "Thirtysecond piece for your thoughts?"

With some little sympathy, resting chin in hand, elbow on table; "I can understand that. It took some time for me to consider... all of what my position means. And what it requires." Brieli offers another smile, this one somewhat fainter, darker. Even so, she offers lightly, "At least, if there's someone that you trust, you could ask for... guidance." Not help, never, no. "Iolene could hardly offer advice, as new as she was to it all as well. And I was hoping to check in. Offer my apologies for certain people's behavior. I'm certain that it has as much to do with me as you." H'kon, likely. That guy.

"Well I would ask F'rint, except-- well. That looks like it ain't gonna work out all that well." The shrug Taikrin manages is pretty convincingly unconcerned; her expression a little less so. "Still, got a couple of the other guys in Glacier that've been around a while; reckon they don't mind giving me some pointers if you know what I mean." The folder is clutched back to her chest, though Taikrin's smile remains bland. "No worries. It ain't like you can control other people. May as well try to control the tides, yeah?" Funny, a miner making jokes about the sea.

Fine brows might arch a touch at that, but Brieli doesn't ask, not right now, anyway. "If they're amenable. Not that I don't think you can do a good job of it - I wouldn't have tried to put you in charge otherwise. But there's no sense in putting any undue stress on yourself while learning." There's an odd little smile for Taikrin's comment, her head tilted to one side as she asks, "Can't you?" Really? "Well. When you can't guide other people..." Not control either. "There's always just pushing them out of the situation entirely." A pause, then; "I don't think people are being fair to you."

"I do like pushing," Taikrin remarks lightly, to mask the sudden intent focus she has on Brieli. "Don't know as how too many people are willing to admit that-- then again, I learned a long time ago not to rely on fair. Things ain't been fair to me since I was about knee-high, but that ain't stopped me yet. People respect strength, so the way I see it I just got to be stronger than the other guy to get the same shake as him."

With a sad little smile - so sad! - "Life isn't fair." So why should she be? Brieli offers a little shrug, noting, "Sometimes, that lesson has to be learned, yes? Some of us are fortunate enough to learn that sooner than others." 'Fortunate'; she gives Taikrin a look, a wry quirk of her lips. "I don't think this is much of a time for anyone who would be stopped or step back. There's... external pressures. People are getting ideas. About our home. I'd prefer that they stopped thinking about us altogether."

Without even a hint that she might be asking for permission, Taikrin slides over and seats herself in a chair across the way from Brieli-- the observant might note the way she gingerly settles down. "Nothing good ever came from external pressures messing with how we do things. Reckon they think they smell weakness. Circling, like a bunch of scrounging wherries." When Taikrin smiles, there are teeth. Lots of teeth. "Reckon with a proper show of force -- of unity, yeah? -- we might maybe could convince them into backing off."

It's a free... records room. Brieli has no issue with Taikrin taking a seat, still in her casual lean. If she notice that slow settling, again, she doesn't ask. Some things, she just doesn't poke into. "Weakness," she echoes, seeming pleased with the brownrider's word choice; she nods once, gaze sharpening. "Yes. First the bronzeriders came around, and now... well. It doesn't sound good. And perhaps force. Unity. But I think, primarily, we need decisive action. And H'kon... is not decisive." There's another person who isn't terribly decisive around too, perhaps notable by the lack of mention.

"No. He's not. Worse, he ain't even decisive when he's probably got someone feeding him lines on exactly what to do." From the sour twist of Taikrin's lips, there are few choices as to whom she might be talking about. "To think, if there had been another day, things might have been different. Another half hour." Her gloved fingers fold over the folder on the table. "Szad would have gone. Might have made things a lot simpler for all of us." Because, of course, Szadath obviously would have had the same chance with Iesaryth as he did with Hraedhyth.

"K'del as much as told me that H'kon went to him, do you know that?" Brieli warms to that subject in no time flat; she knows who Taikrin's talking about. "He acts as if we should just go to him, ask him for help, beg his forgiveness, yes? Who wants to ask anything of someone so self-righteous? As if he were perfect. As if having a mentor made him a better Weyrleader right away." The goldrider has a quiet scoff for that, something close to a snort. Sitting back in her chair, crossing her arms, "I try not to think about all the things that could have been. I think we've let ourselves do enough of that. Time to look forward." A pause. "People doubt you, doubt your past. But I know what it's like to want to be good. You want it. I can tell. None of it matters if you want it."

"It's a chain I'll wear to the end of my days." Taikrin raises her hands, albeit gloved, in demonstration. "If only we all had the dumb shit we did as kids made public record." Still, she does not look at all displeased by what Brieli's saying. Her head cocks to one side as she considers, "K'del's their leader. Happens to also be he's had it out for me since before he knew my name, on account of who I am. He ain't real big on women he ain't nailing, like he can't even fathom a use for one of us except spreading her legs. That's the example he's set for the bronzeriders in this Weyr. That's what I'm fighting against. Ain't you holdbred? You understand. The Weyr ought to be where we're safe from that crap. I mean to make it so again, if it kills me."

Gesturing to the records, "Some of us do. But when you get to write the history, it's easy to look like a hero, yes?" Brieli smirks a touch, still leaning back, now crossing boots under the table. With a lift of her chin for 'nailing', a bitter twist of her lips, "Even then, didn't take the best care of her, did he?" Not that she blames K'del entirely, no. But... there's definitely something that has dark eyes flinty. "I understand. There's... things I think that could be done. To make things better, like you're saying. It may take time, but it can be done. And..." Significant pause. "You wouldn't be the first woman to be a Weyrleader. They might have excuses for why it was okay then, not now - but there's precedent, Taikrin. It's happened."

As much as Taikrin enjoys ranting about K'del and his horrible horrible misogynism, Brieli's news has her leaning forward intently. "I'd thought I heard-- you think so? No-- you know so?" This is not something she's willing to risk on a supposition. "I ain't-- I'll be real with you, Brieli, because I don't want to play games with you I don't think. Where does this leave us? You got me and Azaylia, and you and H'kon as a pair. Are you talking about propping up--" Lips purse briefly as she cranes her neck to glance down towards the Weyrleaders' corridor. When she speaks again, her voice is lower. Intimate. "-- Azaylia, or are we talking taking one of each set? A compromise?"

"I found it. It's in the records. I even found people who remember her. Rilsa." Brieli has a flash of a smile for the brownrider, but will add, "People say she was Weyrsecond, that she was trained for it. Understandable. But she was chosen by the Weyrwoman, and I think that's likely the thing that matters." She thinks, she hopes - it's all the same difference, really. What do they have to lose at this point? Leaning forward again as Taikrin lowers her voice, she does likewise. "Azaylia would like us to offer H'kon Weyrsecond. I think he'll turn it down. As for the rest... we're both Acting Weyrwoman for the moment. But I'm concerned about this idea of replacing us. I won't have it." Her jaw sets, determined. "If people are determined to call council, that may change. And... I am unsure that we'd be protected sufficiently if I weren't there." She's reluctant to say it, looks guilty for even doing so.

"I love Azaylia dearly," Taikrin says, firmly. "And in another three, maybe five turns, she'll be ready to be a spectacular senior. Less, if she keeps spending time with Glacier." She flashes a smile, but is otherwise deadly serious. "She's young in a way I never been. And a way I'm coming to suspect you ain't ever been, either? The only thing stopping her from caving immediately to K'del, I suspect, is that you and me are in the way. He'll tell her it's all for the best, and to leave it all to him, and he'll take care of her the way he's taken care of all the rest of our Weyrwomen." Her hands press flat against the folder, and though her the volume of her voice is low it still brims with heat. "The council wants to see a Weyrleading pair. Everything else likely looks like children playing to them. No Weyr is lead by a council. Appoint Azaylia your wingsecond, 'cause she can't really be under me. Make H'kon weyrsecond. Make it look like a compromise."

With a sigh, "I... no. No, I've never seen the world that way. And I admire it, in a way. But it worries me equally." And that seems entirely sincere from Brieli, more so than her words or tone normally might be. "She does a lot of things that I can't. That I won't. But I don't know... I don't know what would have happened if I hadn't been here. For Iolene, and now this. And K'del..." A purse of her lips. "I'm working on that. Maybe he'll shut up before someone does it for him." Maybe she kind of hopes it comes to that. And, with a nod to Taikrin, "I think you're right. And I hadn't thought of the wingsecond... but it makes a certain amount of sense. I think... if I let her know some of what I've been hearing, it might help." But, as serious as the brownrider is fiery, "The weyrfolk more or less want that too. People can't conceive of anything outside of that. Best give it to them before they take anything from us, yes?"

"Who can now? Someone told me we ain't got time to dwell on the past." Her head tilts again at mention of someone shutting up K'del, but instead she says, "Most people can only change so much in one go from what they know. Give 'em something only a little different at a time, and I reckon they'll fall back to where it's safe. I'm a wingleader now. Respectable. It ain't so far a step up from that, yeah? And it ain't like you and Azaylia won't still work hand-in-hand. But the dragons'll rest easier knowing one's in charge. Very heirarchical creatures, dragons. Like to know who's the boss."

There's a faint smirk for having her own words tossed back her way, but Brieli's good-natured enough about it; no more about making certain people quiet, either. Plausible deniability, right? But Taikrin's thoughts on change sober her a touch, and she nods again. "I think... everyone needs to feel the situation is hand. Especially now that we've Holders visiting besides. The last thing we need is more doubt there." Looking across the table, she regards the brownrider for a moment, then just pushes her chair back, starts stacking up her work. Apparently, it's all decided. "We'll see about the dragons," she notes. "But... the riders might be at ease, and that might help." Glancing up again, she offers another smile before adding, "I'm glad we've similar ways of thinking. That seems a good sign."

Taikrin matches Brieli's pushback, though hers has a short, quick inhale at an imprudent movement. "Most of the riders should be," she agrees in a voice that's trying very hard not to be tight. "The weyrfolk will settle once they do. And if the other Weyrs come sniffing and see we've got it well in-hand, well. Reckon that'll solve itself." Once she rises, though, she's back in control. She retrieves her folder, then holds it to her chest. "I'm glad, too, that we can see eye-to-eye. Seems like so few people are seeing clearly, lately. I think we can do great things for our Weyr, Brieli." Taikrin is deadly earnest about this.

"If they aren't, then we deal with it." How precisely the riders that aren't happy with the idea will be dealt with, Brieli doesn't get into. That's something to worry about a step or two down the line. Her own tone is calm and easy, like it's just that easy - though she looks up when she picks up her notes, gauging that tight edge to Taikrin's voice. But, "Yes. I won't have just anyone coming in here now to take over. Not after everything, all-- that's happened." The would-be-Weyrleader's earnestness draws a grin from the goldrider. "I think we can make a start. And I know you want to do great things. Which is more than any of those bronzeriders can claim, sitting back and complaining like..." She stops herself, lets out a short breath, then just shakes her head. "Enough. Another time. We'll talk more soon, then?"

"Yes. Later. I reckon I really do need to finish the charts I been working on. I didn't quite count on all this hidework." It's rueful, a little. "Let me know what you need. Szad might have attached himself to Hraedhyth like a wart, but at least he's still good for relaying messages." Taikrin is maybe a little disgruntled about this... but also a little proud. "Have a good night, Brieli."

"Congratulations again," Brieli adds before turning to go, but there's an amused tone to that - more than one meaning, perhaps. "And good luck." She offers a little wave, then heads out for the evening, perhaps looking a little pleased with herself as well. Isn't everyone happy? What a nice conversation.