Difference between revisions of "Logs:Thinking Of You"

Tayte's Room, High Reaches Weyr

The peculiar shape of this room suggests that it was unintentionally expanded, cement holding the ceiling together towards the peculiarly shaped alcove build into the back corner. It's larger than most personal quarters as a result, and though the uneven walls mean nothing sits flush, there's plenty of room for more than the usual amount of furniture.

The larger lobe of the lopsided kidney shape that the room has might be considered a studio room. A large bed is tucked into the roundest part of the alcove, though there's a gap behind where the straight headboard does not meet the wall. It's piled high with furs and pillows. In this curve there's also a wardrobe, a dresser, and nightstands. Hooks extending from the ceiling over the dresser have been rigged with two layered chain-link that holds a number of bottles of alcohol of different varieties. The highest drawer in the dresser which is bizarrely the largest locks with a key.

Opposite it, closer to the door, is a hearth that's had a throw rug and loveseat set in front of it, along with a few low tables. A set of shelves and a small desk sit opposite the curve of the smaller end of the room. Around the curve and into the little lobe, one finds a great change. There's color everywhere instead of the muted things in the front half. Scarves and streamers hang from little hooks installed in the ceiling, their lengths varying, and a crib is set up in the middle with two small boxes that have toys poking out of their not-quite-shut lids. There's a tall table stocked with all the tools a mother needs (well, those that are safe to be at toddler height) and a small dresser and wardrobe. The furniture is all hand-me-downs but in decent enough condition to make the occupants comfortable.

The rumors started to make the rounds a couple days after Tayte's tanned face was seen about the Weyr. She hadn't been back to work, but she'd been at Snowasis, at least briefly, to get back on the schedule for the following seven. That's really what started the tongues wagging. No one really seemed to know where she had gone or why, only that she was back now after two months away.

The afternoon is a quiet one. Vali in the nursery, Tayte not yet back to work, and so she's found in relaxed clothes, loose maroon pants and a brown and cream top that's not one of her usual cut or style. She's even in fuzzy pink slippers when she answers the knock at the door. The face on the other side sets her cheeks to blushing and her expression betrays surprise mingled with something less readily identified. "Hi Jo," she greets, though perhaps a touch less smoothly than her usual. And the door is pulled wider so the bluerider can come in, if she's inclined.

Jo heard the rumors whenever she took a brief drink in the Snowasis, so it's probably highly likely that she would hear about Tayte's return. The bluerider - once drills were done for the day and before the nightly activities need to be done - stops by her place and actually knocks on the door, being the face Tayte sees when she opens. "Hey," she sends back in greeting, her dark gaze flitting up and down her form before she gestures for her to come in - right when the blonde moves to the side to let her in. If Jo notices anything out of the ordinary with Tayte yet, it wouldn't be seen on her face. As always, she takes a look about the room, before facing her, noticing the blush on her cheeks as she drops, "Two months and not even a shipment of southern's best booze. Should I be offended or concerned?" which could be translated to the fact that once they had dropped Tayte off, she had dropped off the face of Pern.

The room isn't completely in order yet. The bags that Jo and Tacuseth hauled for Tayte and Yvalia are still lingering, some half-emptied, others completely so. Clearly the rumors are right about them not being back long. There's a new addition, however, beside the booze dresser: two crates. "If it helps, I brought you back some things." Tayte volunteers, and a hand invites Jo to make herself a home while she moves over to the crates in question, sliding the lid off the top-most one. "Things were-- sort of-- they are complicated." She manages as her fingers run across the bottle-tops, selecting. "And embarrassing. And some of it quite tragic." She takes a breath, and there's really no point in delaying the inevitable. "I miscarried last seven." She has to steel herself to say it, but she manages without bursting into tears or anything so showy, though her form tenses a little, as one prepared for a physical blow.

Jo making herself at home is her dropping into the loveseat while she watches Tayte go towards the crates. "It helps, yeah," she drawls, though her tone suggests not to take her seriously. "And, ain' things always complicated with ya? What happened down sou-?" which, gets cut off when Tayte tells her what did happen down there. When she mentions the miscarriage, the ex-con's gaze immediately drop to the other's midsection for a moment before meeting her eyes. "Yer serious," she states, evenly, all manner of jokes aside. "Shit, woman. Yer alright? I thought ya were gonna get some dragon to contact Tac." Jo seems to understand why the off-the-grid move Tayte took, but the lack of news across the sea has her brows furrowing at her.

Tayte tilts her chin so she can meet Jo's eyes, and hers are serious, no trace of a joke. Would anyone joke about something like this? Her lip trembles, and she clears her throat. "I'm-- no. I'm not alright. But I'm trying to get there. Physically, I'll recover. No signs of infection so far, so the healers are hopeful that if I'd like to, I can try again someday." There's a brief expression that shows her conflicted feelings on that score, but certainly she'd rather have the option than not. She sets bottle after bottle on the dresser top, six in all, before sliding the lid on the crate back into place. They look to be of some variety, too. "I-- was. Going to. That is. I just-- you'd seemed really busy before I left the Weyr, and I didn't want to bother you, and I wasn't sure if you'd want to see me if I couldn't have sex with you, and H'vier's gotten it into his head that he wants to be monogamous," She pronounces the word as if it's foreign to her tongue, "With me." She adds as though that needed to be clarified. "And sometime I look back on the talks we've had," Now she's talking a little more quickly, letting the details start to spill out. "And I'm not really sure how it happened. I mean, he's H'vier." And she's her! Does she need to add that part aloud? If Jo's not moved from the loveseat, Tayte will move to join her there.

Jo studies her face for a long moment while she talks, remaining silent until she speaks about trying again. "Ya'd want to try again?" she asks, brows lifting at her. "And what's this business about us only seein' each other to fuck? Aren' we friends?" But then Tayte continues talking and hit the monogamy word, and H'vier and those words together in a statement that she has to lift a hand up to try and stall her along with, "Whoa, whoa, wait - H'vier wants to be monogamous?" Not so much with her, but, just the thought. At least at first. "Not that I know the guy or anythin', but, the times I caught him and that one time I let him buy me a drink....I never got monogamist vibes from him. I mean, it's good, if that's what ya want with him. Not my business, ya know," she hastens to add, crossing her legs as she leans back in the loveseat. "I didn' know that ya and he had a thing, too." There's invitation to explain, to give background if she wishes as the blonde joins her at the loveseat.

Tayte can't seem to immediately answer the first beyond a hard swallow. "We are friends, but some friends who fuck are only friends when they're also fucking, and I wasn't sure what kind we were." They did tend to spend more time fucking than talking when they were alone together. She sinks down onto the loveseat and draws in a deep breath. "I've been serving that man drinks at one bar or another for going on four turns. He's never been a monogamist. That I've seen, at any rate." She lifts a hand to tug though her golden locks. "I thought at first it was just about the baby. He--" Her brow wrinkles as she thinks back on the conversation that muddled the whole thing months ago. "--wanted the baby. And wanted to be with me." She pulls the hand down through the tresses. It gives her focus on something that still confuses her. "He got tripped up over me telling him he had to accept that Yvalia had a father. So I wasn't sure where we stood when you and I headed to Southern. But when he came down and visited, he still wanted to be with just me," A moment later her lips curl, "Got jealous of my moving help, I think. Good looking boys." But boys, not men. "And he came back, again, and again, and we got to know each other, and--" This still perplexes her too. It's obvious it's hard for her even having been the one to go through this whole early-relationship-process with the bronzerider to wrap her head around its actually happening. "I thought for sure it was over when I lost the baby, and by then, even if it hadn't been his, and he hadn't wanted it, I-- did." So that might answer her first question. "He stayed with me after, for a few days, before we came back here. And I keep thinking that this has to be some kind of big cosmic joke. Doesn't it sound like one just waiting for the punchline?" Now she stops, looking to Jo.

"Is that a discussion we need to have?" Jo quips back on the first in deadpan-like manner about friends, giving Tayte a brief look. "Darlin', the boot's always been sittin' in yer room. I've always left it up to ya if ya wanna just polish it or put it on. I give what's wanted. Mostly." If it was understood, but it's not something Jo lingers on. She falls silent again at Tayte explains what happened down south, nodding a few times here and then at certain part until she's at the end. "Sounds like he cares," she says idly, fitting a studying look onto her. "Not unheard of. Shit happens when ya least expect it. It's good ya had somebody there, though. So what, yer over K'del or somethin'? Thinkin' 'bout givin' him a chance?"

"No. I'd say not anymore." Things are either clear enough or don't need to be cleared up on that front. "I'd sort of started to sort that out." Tayte adds about the boot, eyes lingering on Jo's face. "Sort of disappointing, really. That you didn't want me the way I wanted you. But life goes on." And so does she. The next words are hard too, hard to hear and hard to answer questions about. Quietly, after a shake of her head, she murmurs, "I called for K'del. When it was happening." Which is confusing. So much of all of it is. "H'vier-- doesn't know, although, I imagine some part of him suspects." She swallows, "But K'del isn't an option. He's made that abundantly clear when we were still naked that after the lust left us, he wasn't ever going to do that with me again." She tugs the ends of her hair, "But just because I'm still dealing with K'del, and how I feel about him, is that any reason not to give things with H'vier a chance? He's an idiot a lot, but he's a good man, deep down. Though, if you let that become rumor, Jo, I'll have to cut off your booze supply." You know, because she has so much control over that. It's an empty threat anyway, trying to bring some ghost of humor to a situation that's hard no matter which angle you're looking at it from.

"Tayte." Jo manages to turn in the loveseat, giving the little space there is, to look her full in the face. "First off, I never said I didn' want you. Hasn' changed, either." The words are careful and pointed, laced with curious interest. "And in case ya didn' notice in between my bein' quick to toss ya into bed, I ain' exactly the poster-bitch for romance'n relationships. I don' fall hard, and I don' fall easy. I definitely don' fall quick, darlin'. I avoid tryin' to fall at all, if I can help it. I'm not sure what way ya wanted me, and if it's in any of those categories, then I guess that does make me a disappointment. Makes me not the sort of girl yer lookin' for. Yer ain' the first, and ya won' be the last." Taking a pause and a breath, "Like I said, I give what's wanted. I aim to please. I was under the impression that ya only wanted me for my body, so. Which I can understand." There's a little humor there - egotistical humor, at that. On the rest - with K'del and H'vier - "Dunno if the man's an idiot or not," she admits with a slight shrug, "but if he's not jerkin' ya around with what he says, might be somethin' to look into, right? Maybe all this could be what turns him into less than an idiot."

"I don't know if I wanted you in any of those categories." Tayte admits, her hand falling away from her hair and to her lap. "I just--" She purses her lips slightly, "It felt like-" And maybe it wasn't like, "-I was always coming to you. And you were making time for me. It felt like I was too much the admirer and I'm the kind of girl who-- I don't have to be the only one, but I like to be on your mind every now and again when we're not together, and it just felt like I wasn't." She shrugs her shoulders a little, expression showing she's not sure if she's expressing herself well. "The thing about you-- about H'vier-- about K'del, even, is that I'm not the type of person to want to change someone else. When I take a liking to someone, it's for the whole imperfect package. It's for the challenges, and the confusion, and the excitement. I don't really want you to be any less busy or aloof, and nothing changes that I still want you, and for more than just your body." She hasn't missed Jo's humor, but she's having a serious moment just now. "I don't want H'vier to be less than an idiot, even though women everywhere would probably thank me if he were. And I don't want K'del to be any less flawed and loyal. Even though each of you being just who you are makes my life that much more difficult or disappointing. Because it's the same thing that makes it so happy, or rewarding at other times." Slowly, she reaches for Jo's hand. She doesn't have more words, but she's seeking a contact there, something that conveys in more than just words that this is her truth.

"Who's to say yer not on my mind?" Jo returns idly. "I've gotta lot of shit on my mind. I wondered why I didn' get contacted while ya were down south. What are ya expectin' from me?" cuz, it's clear that the bluerider doesn't know, and it seems to be making her appear a little wary. "I mean...if ya don' wanna change any of us, or make yer life more disappointin', then why stick with us at all? Plenty of folks out there that aren' so..." Complicated? Difficult? Jo seems willing to let her fill in the blank. She takes Tayte's hand that was reaching then, her grip firm as she says, "Look, darlin', I can' be anymore than who I am. Some folks stick with me, and some folks don'. I don' wanna be the one that makes ya disappointed or make things difficult for ya all the time, cuz I can' promise ya that I won'. Especially now, with-" and her free hand waves towards her, not going to mention aloud the miscarriage. "How's yer daughter doin' with all-?" This.

"No one, only the worst parts of me." Tayte answers. Some might call it a product of woman-thinking. "Right now? I don't know. I didn't know how to bring things up with you, so I just avoided them. Let's call that one of my weak points." Tayte chews her lip, "It's why I hadn't seen my parents in over five turns." Yep. Tayte is an expert at avoidance. But that was hadn't, as in, now has. "And I never said I didn't want to make my life more disappointing. I mean, generally, I'd like to avoid it, as anyone would, but if some disappointment comes with getting to have you as you are," Possibly any of the three yous she was speaking of, "I'd take it anyday." Just to have them. "Maybe," She suggests, "You might see a way to telling me every once in a while that I've crossed your mind." Her fingers curl a little more around Jo's hand. "I could say the same thing to you, Jo. That I am who I am. And I'm occasionally disappointing. Like when I leave you worried or whatever for two months." Maybe worried is too strong a word, but that's what the whatever is there to account for. "Vali-- doesn't know I was pregnant. Doesn't know I miscarried. K'del told her I was sick and needed rest. I terrified her pretty solidly the night it happened. She was the only one there with me and I had to send her for help. It's going to take time before she's over that. If she's not scarred for life." But isn't that what having parents is for? Getting scarred for life?

"So yer one that avoids," Jo picks that one out with an incline of her head, briefly. "That's interestin'." She doesn't say why, moving on to say, a touch wry, "Ya want me actually admit emotion? Shit, woman. Took Z'ian months to even get that outta me." Squeezing her hand almost reassuringly, "I'm only that vocal in bed or when I'm outta-my-mind drunk," she admits. "More of a show-er than a tell-er, darlin'. I'm right here." Isn't that progress? "I came to see ya and make sure yer not dead or missin' a leg or somethin'. If that's not me takin' time to think about ya, then I dunno what else is." When Tayte does turn the tables on her theory of who they are, the bluerider snorts her humor with a hint of 'touche' before she seems to let that matter drop. "Maybe she'll bounce back," she suggests on her daughter, though it's clear she knows nothing about children. "The girl still belongs to K'del, despite H'vier?"

She's admitted as much, so only a nod confirms Tayte guilty of that. "Doesn't have to be emotion," Tayte protests, "Could be just about sex!" That's easier, right? "Like, 'Hey, Tayte, the other day I was thinking about slipping my hand into your pants and showing you a good time.' That doesn't really have to do with emotion, right? Just lust, if you count that one. Still, her grin is rueful, "Alright. Can't blame a girl for asking." So, that has Tayte dropping this matter in favor of: "Yes. Yvalia's K'del's daughter." A breath, "Some days I wanted to take it back, but it's-- not really about me. It's about Vali. She wanted K'del as her father, he wanted to be her father. And even if he's an idiot when it comes to women, he's never been anything but good to her. Not that that makes H'vier happy. Especially after I told him there was a chance she might be his. Which I only mentioned because of the baby." She might kick herself for saying so, now. "I suspect there's more trouble brewing on that front. Especially now that we're all back in the same little Weyr." Little being relative here.

"Trust me that nine times outta ten when I'm thinkin' about ya, it's about sex," Jo is more than happy confirm with a roguish grin. "My thoughts are a bit more colorful than that. Always is. Bein' desired is better than bein' thought about." She turns to the matter of the men in Tayte's life, frowning a bit at the explanation on her daughter and only speaks up towards the end of it with, "Ya got more drama and complications than two queens goin' up in the same Weyr! Ya should take it easy right now and let the cards fall where they may than worry about bronzeriders goin' up each other's heads like they always do, or worryin' about what it is ya think ya want from a fucked up rider like me. Worryin' about avoidin, that is. I hear ya back to work already? Is that wise?" Dark eyes go straight towards Tayte's belly.

There's a smile for Jo's confirmation, but the laugh that follows the rest is sad. "To be honest, Jo," And Tayte frequently is with the bluerider, "The drama and complications are a nice distraction right now. Easier to think about and-- well, I don't really worry about as much as just think about -- than to think about what's happened. Easier to work, too. I'm starting with just a few shifts at Snowasis, though. I've written to a Master at the Hall that I'm a favorite of and I'll be getting some backing, I think, to keep Markarin off my back for a while. And I'm sure Madilla would be willing to write me a note to excuse me from anything too taxing." There's a rueful smile for that. "The bronzeriders are going to do what they do. So long as Vali doesn't end up in the middle, I won't have to kill either of them." She says it dead-pan, but then quirks a smile. "Havi would rather I didn't sleep with you. Well, at least when he's not there. I'm not sure that's what I want, the first thing, and definitely not the second thing, though." Because things weren't complicated enough, right?

Snickering, "There's better distractions than that out there," Jo quips back briskly. "I distract myself all the time with pickin' fights. Markarin still on yer ass, huh?" She shakes her head to that, adding, "Didn' ya say somethin' about not havin' seen yer folks in turns? Ya saw them now, then?" Seeing long-lost relatives seems to be an interesting topic for the ex-con. She does goes silent at the confession about H'vier and his not having her sleep with Tayte, blinking once at the news. "Well, I'd imagine if he's serious about bein' yer one'n only," she comments absently, her tone lingering more on amusement than not. "Ya don' seem sure 'bout a lot of stuff. Looks to me like ya best get sure soon, or it looks like yer options are about to get limited, darlin'."

"Well, those without easy access to the 'out there' just have to content ourselves with the distractions readily available." Tayte retorts, amusement in her tone. But then, dramatically, "Ugh! My sister blackmailed me." Her hand hasn't left Jo's, and it squeezes for emphasis. "Someone-" Who is apparently remaining nameless but isn't difficult to guess after: "-went looking for Vali and I at Bitra, and got my father worried something had happened to me. He wrote to my sister with something guilt-trippy about how my mother was worried, and Jeyli-" Presumably her sister, "-decided it was time they knew and took the tact of using the fact that I was pregnant to get me to agree to having her bring them down to meet Yvalia, even though I told her they were going to disown me." The drama of it all. Her expressive face is animated as she tells the story, so things must not have turned out badly. Then a siiigh, "I should get sure, only it's a lot more difficult to be sure when I'm in the same room with you."

"Ya work a place where the wrong dart hittin' the wrong ass could drum up some drink sales," Jo notes with a quick grin and chin-drop. "Snowasis is distraction enough." She's attentive in listening to what happened amongst her relatives though, her laughter low and rumbly before she comments, "Siblings are meant to be pains. Ya only got the one? How'd yer parents take seein' ya if they did?" To the last, though, there's even more laughter from her even though short before she quips, "I should leave, then, to help out, huh? Anyplace minus me is always simpler." Teasing at the last, the smirk readily available.

"True," Tayte concedes the point with a smile. There's a shake of Tayte's head. "No, I've more than I know about. My parents fostered me and many more. I was the first. Jeyli came along later. She's my half-sister by my blood father. Another flight baby like me. So I guess you could say I was closest with her, but she was still little when I left for the Hall. I imagine I have other halves too, but I've never met my blood parents to find out one way or the other. If they're anything like Jey, I only need the one." She rolls her eyes, though it's mostly affectionate. "She brought them. My parents. They loved Vali, and didn't disown me, though I didn't tell them about me being pregnant with possibly some other man's child, or that I didn't really know who Vali's father is by blood. That would probably make their brains explode." She says this last deadpan. Then she has to ask, in a way that might be serious but hints at humor too. "Are you sure you want to help H'vier's cause out? I mean, monogamy... I mean, he's a good lay and all, but..." Just one? For maybe the rest of her life?

"I forget ya weyrbred types have unconventional families," Jo remarks, shaking her head. "The brothers I've got are enough, and I don' think I could've handled another sister. Would yer parents really be upset about bein' pregnant with another man's child, though? If they've sired so many themselves?" The question being put to her in regards to H'vier earns Tayte a nudge and a, "I thought ya didn' know what ya wanted. I ain' gonna convince ya in any direction, Tayte. I don' think monogamy's a bad thing, with the right, badass person. Just like I don' think shackin' up with whomever's a bad thing, either."

"Well, my parents are more traditional... ish." Tayte comments, a touch of a blush on her cheeks. "They're Bitrans. They work at the Hold. They just-- wanted kids and tried for a long time. They were older when they adopted me. And they liked it so much-- being parents, that is, they just-- well, kept going with it. They never were able to have any of their own." She shrugs her shoulders a little self-consciously. "I'm sure the bloodparents wouldn't mind, if they ever wanted to meet me, them having so many, but well, my parents-" The foster ones, "-really are Holders. They'd prefer I be handfasted before the whole kids thing. I don't think they're overly pleased that I'm not, and I'm sure I owe them several long talks about why I didn't tell them about Yvalia, but at least they didn't disown me. And were tickled to meet her. I think that's what I was most grateful for." She makes a little frowny face for the lack of sway. "Ugh. Making me make my own decisions. What kind of monster are you?" She accuses teasingly, giving a squeeze to Jo's hand before withdrawing her own and rising. She heads toward the bottles. "I suppose you'll need something to carry all of these in."

"Yer even more complicated than ya let on," Jo seems to accuse - in a teasing manner. "Holder parents. Weyrblooded parents. Makes my life seem so ordinary in comparison. My father tried to handfast me, long before I ever got here." Which didn't work. "It's good, though, that ya got back with yer folks. The ones that matter, anyway. One of the few important things out there - family." It's given in a blas manner, as if those views weren't her own, but those that could tell the signs would detect that there's more to it than that. Once Tayte releases her hand, she straightens up on the teasing and remarks, "The kind that seems to keep ya complicated," in answer to what kind of monster she is, getting to her feet once she's free to. "And ya don' gotta give me those bottles. Ya know I was jokin' all about that, right?" She rubs the back of her wild haired head before adding, "I really did just dropped by to make sure ya were alive. Make sure Madilla has a good look-over ya if she hasn' yet, alright? I should be gettin' goin'."

"Well, I do what I can to be intriguing." Tayte answers with humor in her voice. She beckons to the bluerider. "Jo, don't be silly. I got them for you. I was thinking of you even if I wasn't asking you to come down." She's quick to find a basket, whose yarn is dumped unceremoniously on top of the bed and which she proceeds to carefully place the bottles into. "You can bring the basket back to me later. In case you need another excuse to stop by." She smiles, sliding the basket toward the bluerider. "I'll see what I can do about making decisions in the meantime. And rest assured, Madilla's keeping an eye on me."

"Uh-huh," is all Jo says on that first, lips curled for just a moment as she watches the blonde place the bottles into the basket. "And, I appreciate bein' thought about, especially makin' sure I have bottles to keep me company late at night." Right. She steps forward to be close and receive the basket when she's done, her words on excuses drawing a wry, "Come now, Tayte. Ya know better than that." It's a teasing chide at the most, closing the distance to slide a hand, brushing the woman's side to reach for the basket from right behind her. "Good," she says on the healer, nodding. "Madilla's good at what she does. Send that girl of yers a wave from me?"

"Well, I wouldn't want you lonely late at night." Especially since she's not available to fill the gap. Do bottles a Tayte replace? Perhaps! The hand that brushes across her side has Tayte smiling and leaning back to turn her head and press a light kiss to Jo's cheek. "Thanks for checking on me, Jo." Then another smile, "I will. And she hasn't forgotten she's to teach you to play dolls." Is she telling the truth? Or is it maybe that Tayte hasn't let her forget?

"I'll put them to good use," Jo assures her of the bottles, collecting them up along with that kiss to her cheek. "Of course I was gonna check up on ya! I'm not that heartless." She steps away as she tosses a wink at her, basket hanging from one arm as she heads for the door. On the last there's an easy laugh along with, "Now that'll be the day. Catcha'."