Logs:If Only
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| RL Date: 9 July, 2013 |
| Who: K'del |
| Involves: High Reaches Weyr |
| Type: Vignette |
| What: Ups and downs. |
| Where: High Reaches Weyr |
| When: Months 2-3, Turn 32 |
| Mentions: Aishani/Mentions, Azaylia/Mentions, I'kris/Mentions, Iolene/Mentions, F'manis/Mentions, Sisha/Mentions, Taikrin/Mentions, Tiriana/Mentions |
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| It was a difficult time of turn, for K'del. And how could it not be? There was the never-born child, the one that would have turned three, a few months from now. There was Iolene. That the two anniversaries fell in the same month only made things more difficult; but then, they would always have been twined together, wouldn't they? Iolene. Iolene. He didn't really talk about either anniversary. This miscarriage, first - well, and there'd been so much else going on, it had been easy to hide his unhappiness. More people had known about the anniversary of the murder, but by then... He'd known about Erika, by then, and in some ways it had been a balm... but also a bruise, a deep one. He'd missed six turns of her life, this child that was his and also not-his. Like he would miss all the turns in the life of that other baby. And a lifetime of turns with Iolene. And so if he hugged the people he cared about just a little bit harder, that day, who could blame him? Two turns, now. Two. Still miss you, Io, he told her, though this time he did not go to the island to do so. Guess I always will. You and the baby. But... maybe things are going to be okay. No idea what you'd think of everything - Aishani, Taikrin, Azaylia. Well. Some of it, maybe. Some. But I guess none of it would have happened, if you'd... It was difficult to imagine how different things would be, if Iolene were still here. Would her secret have come out? You could trace it back as far as you wanted, but there was just no way to know. If only he'd said yes to Aishani. If only she hadn't appointed Taikrin. If only the two queens hadn't risen at once. If only Iolene had lived. If only I'kris had never come to High Reaches. If only Cadejoth had never chased Ysavaeth. If only Lujayn had never come back. If only Iolene had never Impressed. If only... if only Cadejoth had never caught Iovniath, once, twice, a third time. But all those things had happened, and one by one, they had led to today.
Maybe it didn't matter. Sisha had reached out, and with F'manis' blessing. In a way, it was better; in all the logical ways, anyway. He could do this. Sisha was a moderate, respected by most people except those hard-liners who wanted a bronze and nothing but. He had connections, relationships with the holds even if they were a little out of date. He was useful. It felt good to be useful. To be wanted. To play some part, no matter how small, in pulling High Reaches back together. Perhaps he would end up Weyrleader, and perhaps not... but at least he'd get his chance to help, first. And maybe that would be enough to help him let go. Month two had been awful, save a few moments of joy, but month three... Month three had potential. If only it could stay like this. If only. |
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