Logs:Selfishness
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| RL Date: 8 November, 2012 |
| Who: Quinlys |
| Involves: High Reaches Weyr |
| Type: Vignette |
| What: Quinlys is glad she didn't Impress Ysavaeth. |
| Where: Weyrling Barracks, High Reaches Weyr |
| When: Day 10, Month 3, Turn 30 (Interval 10) |
| Mentions: Azaylia/Mentions, Brieli/Mentions, Iolene/Mentions, Lujayn/Mentions, Meara/Mentions, Tiriana/Mentions |
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| It could have been you. Logically, Quinlys didn't believe that. She didn't -- couldn't -- believe that Iolene had been murdered because she was Ysavaeth's rider alone. She understood why precautions were being taken to protect High Reaches' three remaining goldriders, but in her heart she knew that Iolene -- and Iolene alone -- had been targetted. Politics: that's what it came down to. And yet. And still. Once upon a time, she'd believed that Ysavaeth's egg might have contained her queen, the one so many people had been convinced she would Impress. She'd been confident of it, when she'd walked onto the sands, and though the idea had faded from her worldview the moment Olveraeth stepped into her life, it was not altogether gone. She remembered the way Iolene had offered to trade; it was a bittersweet recollection, now. It hurt, even as much as it made her smile. Things had changed. Iolene had grown up. And now... Now she was gone. She knew that some people, especially after Iolene's ascent to the seniorship, wished desperately that she hadn't failed. If Quinlys had Impressed Ysavaeth, everything would be different! If Quinlys had Impressed Ysavaeth, she realised, thinking about it, everything would be different. Tiriana would still be Weyrwoman, most likely: the impetus to have her removed would never have been there. Brieli would not have Impressed Iesaryth, for that matter - Hraedhyth wouldn't even exist. And Iolene would still be alive. But Quinlys couldn't imagine life as Ysavaeth's rider. She couldn't imagine herself working with Tiriana and Lujayn; she couldn't imagine herself without Olveraeth. Would it be better, though? If it had worked out that way? Was it selfish to be relieved? Quinlys had no answer to that. Meara's transferee weyrlingmaster pulled out, saying he wasn't comfortable bringing his family to a Weyr where the Weyrwoman could be murdered. Was it selfish to be pleased about that? With only seven weyrlings to usher off the sands and into the barracks, the whole complement of weyrling staff was scarcely required. Quinlys stood by Meara's side and helped the aging Weyrlingmaster, proving herself with quiet competence, and improved confidence. She would get that extra training she wanted. She would become Weyrlingmaster herself, one day. She felt her heart nearly burst with pride as her little brother Anquin - N'qui! - Impressed his brown, the only brown in the clutch. If it was selfish to be delighted amidst all the grief, then so what. She was selfish. Too bad. She walked through the barracks late at night, checking in on one, two, three, four, five, six, seven young weyrlings, sleeping with their tiny new lifemates. They were so few: the barracks felt huge and empty. Full of ghosts. On her way back, she passed the couch that had once been Iolene's. True, it had been used again since then, but-- in her mind, it would always be Iolene's. She remembered sitting with the goldrider, back when they'd been weyrlings. She remembered teaching her some of the things they'd learned in their leadership training, things Iolene had not been taught. Three and a half turns - that's all it had been ago. The whole world had been spread out in front of them, and now... Now there was only Quin. She crawled into the stone couch, feeling small and insignificant in the middle of it. Ysavaeth had slept her, once upon a time - back when she'd been small enough to fit into the barracks. Ysavaeth's clutch had grown to adulthood, now. Her daughter's clutch would be in these barracks within a turn or two - another generation. But Ysavaeth was gone. Iolene was gone. It hurt, and yet... I'm so glad it wasn't me. Was that selfish? Quinlys didn't care. |
Comments
Azaylia (Dragonshy) left a comment on Fri, 09 Nov 2012 03:51:13 GMT.
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The things you forget about a character, until something like this reminds you. Wow. I love how Quinlys is tied to all of it, and yet... ~<3
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