Logs:Stages of Grief
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| RL Date: 30 November, 2012 |
| Who: K'del |
| Involves: High Reaches Weyr |
| Type: Vignette |
| What: I'kris' death is not really a dividing line. |
| Where: High Reaches |
| When: Day 22, Month 5, Turn 30 (Interval 10) |
| Mentions: Iolene/Mentions, I'kris/Mentions, R'hin/Mentions |
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| He'd been trying not to think about the boy. It had been hard, knowing that he was just down in the bowl. That if he'd been a different kind of person, he could have talked his way in there and killed him himself. Even thinking about it had made him feel nauseous, though. K'del was no killer. It had been easier, once he'd been taken back to Monaco, though he'd been angry, too: were they just going to let him get away with it? Were Monaco going to let him return to his life? Iolene was dead, and they... He kept the anger inside, knowing that he had no better solution. He'd been party to a hanging, once, and he'd sworn then, never again. He'd had nightmares for weeks. And what do you do with a dragonrider? What can you do? He'd been asleep, when it happened. Cadejoth had woken with a start, and it had all flowed out from there: heartbreaking desperation, and that sudden emptiness. Cadejoth's bones pounded, rasping against his chains - and K'del had known. It was done, then. Venge-- No. Not vengeance. He felt nothing, really. I'kris was no longer alive, but that didn't bring Iolene back to him. It didn't really achieve anything at all. People talked, later, about what must have happened. Whether they'd done the honourable thing, if belatedly. Whether they'd been pushed. K'del left the room. He didn't want to know. Out on sweeps, he ran into a young holder girl who made eyes at him over the fencepost, and accidentally-on-purpose popped one of the buttons in her shirt. She took him to a secluded spot in a meadow, and undid his belt. He was surprised to find himself reacting to her touch; encouraged by it, she continued, making a show of her enjoyment. It felt so easy. They rolled on the grass, and he thrust into her, and then--- It was all wrong. It was wrong. She couldn't understand why he fled from her - why he cried. But all he could see was Iolene, and he felt such guilt. "I'm sorry," he wept into Cadejoth's side - Cadejoth, who didn't understood but tried so hard. "I'm sorry, Io. I'm so so sorry." He buried himself in work, instead. In islands, and farming, and possibilities for the future. He'd not mentioned these things to anyone, yet, not since that conversation with R'hin. It would be better, when he was busy again. It would have to be. |
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