Logs:Identity
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| RL Date: 30 November, 2012 |
| Who: Brieli |
| Involves: High Reaches Weyr |
| Type: Vignette |
| What: Aishani (Brieli) has a lot to mourn, apparently. Now there IS self-loathing. |
| Where: Brieli and Iesaryth's Weyr, High Reaches Weyr |
| When: Day 22, Month 5, Turn 30 (Interval 10) |
| Mentions: N'rov/Mentions, Azaylia/Mentions, Iolene/Mentions, I'kris/Mentions, R'hin/Mentions, Oriane/Mentions |
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| Even though it was early morning when the dragons started their awful keening, Aishani went back to bed and stayed there for the rest of the day. She forbid Iesaryth from telling Vhaeryth, from calling them for her. She wanted to be alone; she didn't feel she deserved any comfort. She didn't want to be reassured. She wanted to feel as awful as she ought to, as responsible as she was. She knew she should reach out to Azaylia, make sure she was all right, but she couldn't make herself care. She didn't drink; perhaps because she enjoyed it, or maybe just another punishment. No one else would take her to task for what she'd done. I betrayed you. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. She couldn't apologize to her father any more than she could Iolene, but she wanted to, kept trying. Would any of this have happened without her? Would both pairs be dead? She didn't know, but it was all too easy to find points and places where she could have done something differently. Where she wouldn't have to go against everything she believed. Where she wouldn't have lost a friend, lost a clutchmate, caused problems between Azaylia's dragon and hers. And she was mainly angry with I'kris. For hurting the one woman she'd have trusted with her name and her past, for hurting his dragon (Iesaryth had been so so horrified, wanting to give Svissath only a little peace), for making her cross a line she'd sworn she'd never. For making his issues with his father collide with hers in a way that could never be reconciled. Not hardly as upset as she was with herself. If she'd ordered it, she should have done it. But there'd been no other way. She hated herself for that too, the remove from it. It felt like cowardice, a way around the truth of the death. It didn't make it easier. She should have told R'hin it made it worse. The Weyr had taken her father and broken her family - and now taken the parts of her she knew best. Her righteous vengeance, her unshakable belief in her right to even the score, her purpose, her broken vows. Her satisfaction at achieving what she'd wanted, because the way it had happened had been a curse, not a gift. Why she'd acted to protect it, she didn't know. She'd like to believe it was for Iolene, but drawing a line with Oriane had nothing to do with that. She really didn't feel she knew herself any more. Would her father know her? Would he understand? Aishani was glad she'd never find out. |
Comments
Comments on "Logs:Identity"Azaylia (Dragonshy) left a comment on Sat, 01 Dec 2012 05:25:04 GMT.
Oh. :( Aishani is hurt in a way I never thought possible. It's amazing how everything ties in together. Issues with one's father. Executions. It really does seem like fate is making a point. Still, I feel bad for her.
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