Logs:Two Blind Hypocrites
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| RL Date: 30 March, 2013 |
| Who: Aishani, K'del |
| Involves: High Reaches Weyr |
| Type: Log |
| What: Aishani and K'del talk for the first time since her announcement. 'Talk' may not be the right word. |
| Where: Sheltered Lakeside Ledge, HIgh Reaches Weyr |
| When: Day 18, Month 5, Turn 31 (Interval 10) |
| Mentions: I'kris/Mentions, Iolene/Mentions, Tiriana/Mentions |
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| Sheltered Lakeside Ledge, High Reaches Weyr The far side of the lake gets much less foot traffic - there's less grass, due to the poorer soil, and the bed of the lake is muddy and not at all as nice to walk in. But a small stand of four willow trees with long branches hanging low and swinging in the breeze provides some relief from the sun during the heat of the day. A pair of small curved benches sit underneath the trees. The ground rises up sharply towards the northwest end of the lakeside, and the waterfall that feeds the lake thunders downwards there, foaming the water and creating a fine mist in the air that distorts the light. It's a nice enough night, despite the cool humidity in the air, and the cloud cover above. It's spring at least, finally, so there's people out walking in the main part of the bowl, by the lake - even in this muddy bit of the lakeshore, there's someone there. Aishani's a tall dark figure sitting rather still and straight on one of the small benches under the trees, looking out over the water - for once not paying attention to the comings and goings of the place she's in, perhaps not expecting company, too lost in thought to bother. In another month or two, this spot will no doubt start becoming the weyr's equivalent of lover's lane (for the teenagers, at least: those without more private places of their own); tonight, K'del seems abruptly surprised when his meandering walk finds him not alone after all. Perhaps it's the mud-- or perhaps it's the identity of the woman on that bench, there, the one who has his chin lifting, his shoulders squaring. "Aishani," he says, his voice carrying a note of mocking. "Hiding in the dark?" For now, they'll have to settle for the darker part of the galleries, the shadowy parts of the caverns where, to be fair, it is said that the Weyrwoman occasionally lurks at night, eavesdropping or who-knows-what-else. Aishani is surprised to be taken by surprise; surprised to see K'del; irritated with herself for missing him more than the man himself, but why not direct it his way anyway? That mocking note brings a smirk. She replies, lightly, "Thinking. I can understand if you're unfamiliar with the look of it, K'del." "On the contrary," says K'del, who seems to take such a jibe in his stride, quite as if nothing Aishani says could ever bother him. "Been thinking since you were too young to know the difference between right and wrong. Or-- no, perhaps that's the wrong thing to say. Couldn't say for sure if you ever did learn that one." His hands seek out his pockets, elbows lounging out at an angle: now that he's here, he doesn't seem to intend to depart, not yet. Kicking out her boots in front of her to cross at the ankle, Aishani leans back on her hands, paying more attention to the toes than to K'del - outwardly, at least. "Too young... when, specifically? Now, or at some nebulous point in the past? And... I'd be very careful when you talk about right and wrong. Not only do different people have different conceptions of such things, but I guarantee that what you think is right and what I think is right in certain situation will never be the same. You pal around with a murderer who works in our greenhouse, yet you murdered my father for stealing. Please tell me how you're not a total hypocrite, I'd love to hear your logic." K'del seems unperturbed by this; indeed, he smirks, and makes no bones about it. "Love to know your logic, too, for hating me for what I did for my Weyr... while doing the same thing. Or is it better if it isn't by your own hand, Aishani? Passing it on to someone else, another Weyr? Dead is dead. Or is death only acceptance when it isn't your family? At least your father had a trial. Harper sanctioned. We all do what we have to; it's the price of leadership. The burden, if you like." He shifts, now, moving to lean up against one of those willow trees, head leaning back. It means he's not looking at the goldrider, and instead, stares out over the quiet lake. "That's hardly an answer, so I expect that you have none. It appears that there are one set of rules for my family, and one for everyone else." Aishani pauses; she doesn't pretend she's unaffected by the discussion of I'kris, her expression and eyes both darkening, her jaw set, gaze likewise distant over the lake. "Though I am young, and I am inexperienced by comparison, I do have a reason for breaking vows I made to myself and my father both, while we were abandoned by our leadership. We could not allow people to believe Iolene's death could happen again. There was no sense in a trial but to bring that idea to more people's minds. I'kris murdered a goldrider, a Weyrwoman. My father offended you, your bitch bloodthirsty Weyrwoman, the Holds. You all wanted to look like big men, beat us down. If you hadn't left us to die, what reason would we have to hate you. But you can't and won't see that, the same way you don't listen and fail to explain. No wonder you were a shit Weyrleader." K'del's eyes roll, his expression dismissive. "Your father stole from my people; he threatened to leave them hungry. He did it not once, but over and over again. Or is stealing acceptable, in your world view? Should I have opened our storerooms to your thieving family, told you to come in and help yourself?" He's not entirely unaffected by her words, though: he has to stop, after that, and take in several deep breaths. "Should I have taken you all in, afterwards? Made you at home, so you could all steal from us again? You call me a hypocrite, but do you listen to yourself? Can you?" "And that meant he had to die. Not sent to the mines like half my family, all the people who could care for me and make money to raise children, K'del. Not exiled. Killed." Aishani does turn to the bronzerider now, in sheer disbelief. "Do you know why I was so close to Iolene? Your precious dead love, who you felt so fucking sorry for? Because we grew up almost the exactly the same. We had nothing. You took everything from me, you could have punished my family in any other way, but you chose to crush us. I wished you had killed us all when I was young." A pause, then, "They took the girl in at Fort of the woman they executed. They're trying to do right by her. So fuck you for saying that would be too much, as a father, to try to do right by me, to make sure I didn't die." "Do you honestly mean to tell me that if we'd taken in all of you - not just one little, tiny baby, Aishani, but the whole fucking lot of you, you wouldn't have fought back? You wouldn't have continued to hurt us?" K'del spits the words out, scornful and dismissive, though there's something hurt there, too, something stemming from that reference to Iolene. "Or should we have just taken in the children? Parted you all from what family you had left, raised you to our ways? Face it, Aishani: there was no good solution. None. Come back to me after a decade of leadership, and tell me you haven't faced awful decisions, and done the best you could. We did take in the exiles, and they still hated us for that. As a leader, you cannot win. No one ever wins." Quietly, "How do you know? And mostly, I'd like you to ask yourself this: why did you have to crush us? Why did it have to come to that? Did you have to feel like you were in control so much that you had to destroy us? If you lived your life like me, like the exiles - the islanders - you'd know. You should be so fucking grateful, K'del, that you get to eat every day and stay warm at night and have the same for your children. But you all take it for granted. Take for granted that I make sure that we won't starve partially because you made me terrified of it." Aishani's gaze has dropped into her lap, her fingers laced tightly together, and she tells him, "I will never believe there wasn't a better solution than the one you chose. I will always want to be better." Better than K'del? Maybe. "The islanders I met didn't hate the Weyr. They didn't understand it. We distrust what we don't understand." Perhaps that's pointed. "And you hate what you are too blinkered to see. Because all you can see is what happened to you. Do you think it was an easy decision? Do you think it didn't bother me? I'm not the one who sentenced them, but I take responsibility for it, because I was Weyrleader. And I live with that, whatever you think." K'del's voice is thick, but also softer, now - quieter, more careful and less angry. "We had to be decisive. We weren't, the first time, and your people just came back to hurt us again-- revenge, perhaps, I don't know. I'm sorry your father is dead, but I'm not sorry for protecting my people. I'm sorry you've let it twist your worldview so far that you can see nothing but that. You could've been something impressive, truly impressive, if you'd been acting out of something other than anger and hate." '"That would be pity. "Are you listening to yourself? Are you serious? You don't act like it bothers you, like you care, and don't give me that 'I'm sorry that it did this to you' bullshit, because that's not an apology. None of it is. You're... truly a piece of work, K'del. I have never met someone so self-involved in my life. I was completely right about you." Aishani stands slowly, watching the bronzerider as if she's really seeing him from the first time. "You were terrible for her. It was your fault, the baby. You left her alone and she looked awful, she was so tired and sick. Anyone could have seen it, but no. Being at the Hold was more important. You're..." Her revulsion is almost palpable; she looks ill. "I am something impressive, and I am all of twenty turns. The only anger and hate, and honestly, disgust I have is for you. I have time... you don't." Because he's so old, right?! She starts picking her way over the mud, intent on going... but not able to all that quickly. So much for dramatic exits. It's through gritted teeth that he answers, this time; it's taking all he has not to fall apart in the wake of what she's said. "And you've just indicated exactly how little you understand about anything. You only see what you want to see, Aishani. You always have. You're not impressive-- you're blind." He won't stop her. If he did that, he might have to show her his face, which is so pale, and so hurt after what she's said. "If you think for a moment I wasn't there for Iolene, then you know absolutely nothing. But you hated me before you even knew who I was, so-- what else should I expect?" Maybe he shouldn't have said that: it sounds like he's on the edge of tears. Angry, distraught, devastated tears. Maybe Shani has a hard time crying. It might explain why most of these conversations end with her impassive and K'del in tears, but she might flinch a touch to see him so pale. "Then we're both blind," she says, tone bare and rough, still trying to get away. "Great for the Weyr, that." She shoves hands into her pockets, and as soon as she reaches solid ground, she's set to go, but departs on a strange note, maybe the only thing they can agree on: "I miss her too, you know. I never lied about her." And then she's off, long legs carrying her far away as fast as possible. K'del crying is never as fun as she wants it to be. |
Comments
Comments on "Logs:Two Blind Hypocrites"Suireh (Satiet (talk)) left a comment on Sun, 31 Mar 2013 04:50:13 GMT.
There is just so much to love in this log. Mostly, I love how you guys can play characters who hate each other _so well_. And how both sides seem blind to the other's pain.
Azaylia (Dragonshy (talk)) left a comment on Sun, 31 Mar 2013 05:02:44 GMT.
Boy. That escalated... Well it kind of just STARTED intense, didn't it? XD So mean. So sure they're right. Love it.
Nicky (Nicky (talk)) left a comment on Sun, 31 Mar 2013 06:23:00 GMT.
Oh wow, this was... awesome. I loved it. Fantastic writing! :)
Poor K'del. He needs cuddles! XD
K'zin (Wakizian (talk)) left a comment on Sun, 31 Mar 2013 20:00:27 GMT.
Oh. my. gosh. PLEASE PLAY MORE TOGETHER! It gave me excited tinglies to read! Edge of my seat, couldn't tear my eyes away, all that good stuff. More more! *makes grabby hands at* Aaaamazing.
H'kon (H'kon (talk)) left a comment on Mon, 01 Apr 2013 02:58:32 GMT.
What they all said. This was excellent.
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